The Screenwryter's Toolbox Read online

  1. The Intern

  Some readers are interns at production companies, studios, or agencies. These industrious interns are being paid in experience and the occasional pastry.

  And what is known about this group? Well they've agreed to work anywhere from 10 to 40 hours a week for no pay. So clearly they aren't very smart. They're also at a time in life when they can afford to sacrifice their time and energy pursuing a pipe dream instead of a career. So they're probably young as well as dumb.

  These recent film school grads have been in LA for a little over a month but don't worry because they already know everything. They think The Usual Suspects is a “classic film” and Christopher Nolan invented surround sound. The key to scoring well with this group is to use small words and reference things from the late 90's.

  2. The Professional Reader

  Other readers are known as “professional readers” which means they get paid for their work in American currency. These readers read for production companies, screenplay contests, festivals, etc... They are older than group 1 and, since they've spent much of their lives reading screenplays, not much smarter. The important thing to remember about this group is that they are EXTREMELY critical.

  These individuals moved out to Hollywood to become famous screenwriters. Having failed at that, they now speed read screenplays written mostly by group 1.

  Fair warning: This group is going to take out all of their frustration on you. After all, you had the audacity to pursue the same dream they did and now you're wasting their time with your terrible screenplay. Just look at your garbage main character whose actions are totally unmotivated. This group could have written the story so much better than you so how dare you have the nerve to submit your script? And now you made a typo. Another typo, are you shitting me? Move back to Kansas with your amateur hour horseshit.

  It goes without saying that this very sad group is entirely male and sexually frustrated. The key to scoring well with this group is to hope they read your screenplay after chatting with a skinny woman on Plenty of Fish who forgot to ask what they do for a living.

  3. The Successful People

 

  The third group of readers are called “successful people.” These are the Hollywood agents, managers, executives, producers, showrunners, staff writers, etc...

  It's a waste of time to discuss this group because until you're one of them they will never read your script.

  4. The Assistant

  The final group of readers are the assistants. These assistants work for the successful people in group 3. Whenever a successful person offers to read your script what they are saying is “my assistant will read it.”

  And “my assistant will read it” actually means “my assistant will glance at it.” Group 4 is going to speed read the first seven pages of your screenplay while directing calls, answering emails, organizing trysts with escorts for their boss, and sexting that dude they met at karaoke (and possibly reading another script).

  Unfortunately, this group will almost never recommend your script because what they did barely qualifies as reading. What they did is closer to turning a page every 30 seconds.

  The key to understanding this group is to remember that your screenplay is getting in the way of them doing their job.

  Imagine you are a barista making coffee at a coffee shop (this may not require much imagination). When a screenplay is given to an assistant to read, it is no different than your coffee shop manager coming up to you and saying “hey, while you're making this cappuccino would you mind learning how to juggle chainsaws? And let me know what you think of the chainsaws so I can pass your ideas off as my own.”

  With that in mind, impressing Group 4 is about simplicity. Short words, a straightforward plot, and familiar characters. You've got a 160 page political thriller with double crosses, ambiguous motives, and a web of lies? Group 4 is way too busy for that shit. Give the main character a relatable goal, three or four good lines of dialogue, and no subplots. And make sure they can describe it as “internationally viable.”

  Before you hate group 4 for not reading your script, remember that they will rarely insult your script for the same reason they will rarely recommend it: they can't even remember the main character's name.

  So what can you take away from the discussion of readers?

  As a screenwriter hoping to work at the master level, it is your job to write with the reader in mind. Just as a salesman trying to sell to a tobacco company smokes a pack and yellows his teeth before a big meeting, so should you write to impress these readers.

  And impressing these readers means creating a screenplay they can enjoy without really reading it. It is your job to tell a story that can be understood and enjoyed enough that the reader recommends the script to his or her boss. At the same time, your script must demonstrate your abilities as a writer, especially if the reader happens to slow down enough to fully process some of the sentences you wrote.

  Master level screenwriting is a tricky balancing act. You must create a screenplay that appeals to all categories of readers. Your screenplay must be engaging not only to a 20-year-old intern putting up a Craigslist ad for a studio apartment roommate but also a hyper-critical, middle-aged “professional reader” who is responding to that Craigslist ad.

  And if you're reading this wondering: “how is it possible to create a screenplay that appeals to such a broad range of readers (who aren't actually reading my screenplay)?”

  Well that's the point of the book. Keep reading the book. If that question could be answered in one sentence I wouldn't have written a book...

  THE IMPORTANCE OF SCREENWRITING

  Before diving into the techniques of master level screenwriting, it is important to take a step back and discuss screenwriting at the meta level. After all, if you are going to continue spending thousands of hours writing screenplays, important questions must be asked:

  Is this a worthwhile use of time? Is screenwriting a waste of energy? Is it a narcissistic yet soul crushing pursuit?

  Is it a noble pursuit?

  Yes. It is not only a noble pursuit but the MOST noble pursuit. Let's put it into perspective:

  Mankind has survived millions of years of turmoil: Violence and plague, famine and disease, war and other bad stuff. And mankind has survived as a species because of people's ability to learn from one another.

  And how have people learned from one another? Through stories.

  Humans are instinctual storytellers. Before movies, humans read screenplays often written in the past tense called “novels.” And before that, tales were passed down orally from one generation to the next. Stories are at the heart of the human species. The only known cognizant species in the Universe. In this way, stories can be seen as the very center of the Universe and screenwriters are the molders of that Universe.

  While this truth seems obvious, there are many who disagree with it. If I may borrow an anecdote from my own life:

  I have a brother who has chosen not to engage in storytelling. Instead he spends his days as an astrophysicist wasting away his years staring at planets and atoms with no care for screenwriting and the Universe. This could have been my path but I chose the more difficult road. The road of a screenwriter, a molder of the Universe.

  My days are not spent punching numbers into a screen, ignoring the Universe through the distraction of science. No, my days are spent in creative pursuit of mankind's soul.

  And that is why screenwriting is a noble profession. A profession of the gods.

  Is it more noble than, say, feeding the hungry or curing cancer? Yes.

  Is it more noble than fighting terrorism and protecting the weak? I just said it was the most noble profession. Go back and re-read the earlier paragraph.

  Ask yourself this: without stories, would life really be worth living?

  Of course it wouldn't.

  So let the pedants of the world dither about with the poor and cancerous. Let them worry about science
, math, and our civilization's infrastructure. Because the screenwriter's pursuit is more important regardless of what that screenwriter's mother's voicemails might say.

  The screenwriter's pursuit is that of the gods: Stories, screenplays, the canvas of mankind's infinity.

  SIDE NOTE: Just because something is obvious doesn't mean it should be shared with strangers at a party.

  SLUGLINES

  A screenplay has specific formatting that makes it a screenplay. If you mess up this formatting, nothing else matters. Readers like nothing more than to dismiss a screenplay for poor formatting and end their day an hour early. When opening a new screenplay, all readers know they are two formatting errors and/or three typos away from trashing the script and taking a nap.

  The first on-the-page element of screenwriting to discuss is the slugline.

  Sluglines indicate where a scene is taking place. Here are a few examples:

  INT. KITCHEN – DAY

  EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT

  INT. / EXT. D-E2 INTERSPECIAL TRANSIT CENTER – FADING DUSK

  Each slugline has three parts:

  The first, as you can see, is the INT or EXT. INT meaning Interior (the scene takes place inside) and EXT meaning Exterior (the scene takes place outside). These abbreviations are left over from 20th century screenwriting before everything took place in front of a green screen.

  You can also put INT. / EXT. if the scene moves from inside to outside or if it exists in both at the same time. An example of this might be a moving convertible or, as seen above, an interspecial transit center. I recommend using INT. / EXT. at least once in each screenplay to demonstrate you know it is an option and are therefore clearly a professional.

  Each slugline ends with DAY or NIGHT to specify when the scene takes place.

  That is, if you're an amateur. Consider mixing things up and having fun. Above, I used FADING DUSK.

  Does the scene have to take place in the fading dusk rather than during the day or night? Probably not. Further, what is fading dusk? Doesn't the word dusk by itself imply that light is fading? Maybe, but fading dusk sounds better. So have fun with words.

  The middle part of the slugline tells where the scene is taking place. And this brings us to an important truth about sluglines.

  Studies have shown that readers often skip over sluglines. When readers are burning through your script at 3 pages per minute, the sluglines are the first thing they ignore.

  This makes sense because in order to comprehend the script enough to tell their boss about it, what should a reader actually read? Well the dialogue is essential. And descriptions of the character actions are sometimes relevant. But does it matter if the scene takes place in the living room or the kitchen? Not so much.

  With this in mind, it doesn't matter what you write in the slugline.

  Hearing this is likely causing some pushback. You may be thinking: “I'm going to write the sluglines because the readers are reading my script in its entirety.”

  I can assure you they are not. Examples of readers not reading scripts make for great Hollywood stories. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck famously put a gay love scene in Good Will Hunting to test if anyone was actually reading their screenplay. It took months for anyone to notice. Ang Lee tried the same thing with Brokeback Mountain only to find the scenes were more compelling than the conventional cowboy story he originally envisioned.

  You are writing a screenplay for a reader whose continued employment demands they read your script the very minimum amount necessary to not get fired. To give your script anymore attention than that is a waste of time for your reader. And your goal as a writer is to ensure that as many of these readers as possible (who didn't read your script) enjoyed reading (not reading) your screenplay.

  Now, getting back to the task at hand: sluglines.

  Since readers are ignoring your sluglines, don't get caught up on using a slugline to indicate where a scene takes place. Instead, simply use sluglines to indicate that the scene has changed.

  The role of the slugline is to say “hey reader, the scene is changing. I understand if you're too busy to read where the new scene is taking place but I just thought I'd let you know that it changed.”

  Doing this prevents the reader from getting confused while they are reading (not reading) your screenplay.

  For this reason, try to make your sluglines as long as possible. The longer they are, the more capitalized letters there are and the more likely the reader will notice the scene has changed.

  Some examples:

  INT. MIDDLE AMERICAN RUSTIC KITCHEN – DAY

  That could be shortened to simply “Kitchen” however why not include the extra capital letters?

  Or maybe...

  EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE DD-422B X6 – NIGHT

  Is it necessary to specify which construction site the scene takes place at? Does DD-422B X6 actually mean anything? Of course not but the bigger the slugline, the more likely the reader will notice the scene has changed.

  Let's elevate our discussion of sluglines to the master level:

  When writing a slugline, try to use the capital letters that take up the most space. The really dense letters.

  BACKYARD is a personal favorite of mine. Notice how thick those capital A's are. And how close the D is to the R.

  Ideally, our sluglines would simply be a series of capital I's and hashtag signs. It's going to be difficult for a reader to not notice the scene has changed when they see this on the page:

  EXT. I##I#III##I#I#I#I#I#I#I#I#I#II#I#I#I#II#I#I#I###I#I# - DAY

  Unfortunately, this may confuse readers so it is best to use words that are actually words. Like DINING ROOM or GEORGIAN HOUSE. Look at those big, fat, dense letters.

  Beauty in language.

  ACTION DESCRIPTION

  Following each slugline is the action description. The action description describes what is being seen on-screen. Does your character walk to the counter to pick up a spoon? There's an action. How about instead they pick up a knife? Now we're getting somewhere.

  Action description is where the real writing happens. Personally, I recommend listening to music while writing. Wearing headphones stops the crazies at the coffee shop from bothering you and sometimes the lyrics use a cool word that may inspire you. Just last week I wrote a sonnet titled “Disco Stick.”

  Amateur screenwriting books will stress the one big rule of action description: Never write anything that cannot be shown on-screen.

  This means no character thoughts or inner feelings as they cannot be seen on the screen. And this makes sense because if a screenplay is going to made into a movie it is probably best to not write anything that cannot be seen or heard on-screen, right?

  Wrong.

  Remember that the goal of a screenplay is to be sold. You shouldn't care how your script translates to the screen. That's the director's problem. You've sold the pages. You've cashed the check.

  Your only job as screenwriters is to write a compelling screenplay that demonstrates your abilities as a screenwriter. Let's take a look at the beginning of a scene from a screenplay I recently wrote:

  Wow, that's how writing is supposed to sound. Thick. Succinct. Quasi-understandable.

  Other “screenwriting gurus” may ask questions such as: “how is the audience watching your movie going to know what it smells like? Is the audience going to see their spirits forever trapped? Does that last sentence even make sense?”

  To that I say: Doesn't matter. It's not my concern whether it's possible to show ethereal entities trapped among the corporeal. I don't even own a camera.

  To drive the point home, here is what that scene looks like in a “conventional” (“boring”) screenplay where the action description only shows what is seen on-screen:

  Action description is not meant to describe a location or paint a picture, it is meant to create intrigue using fancy words and phrases.

  Another important rule of writing action description is to use active verbs. Not
passive verbs. And why not passive verbs?

  Because passive verbs rape screenplays.

  Notice how I phrased that. I didn't say “passive verbs are detrimental to screenplays” or “a passive verb is a word lacking in strength.”

  Passive verbs rape screenplays. Passive verbs dismember interest and gouge out the possibility of positive reviews. A verb devoid of action devours a screenplay. And then rapes it.

  Some of you may be thinking “woah, slow down” or “they can't be that bad” or “what's with all the rape?”

  Passive verbs sedate readers. You're not writing a lullaby, you're writing a screenplay. A verb is a sledgehammer aimed at your reader's head. And you, the writer, are swinging that sledgehammer.

  Eviscerate. Desecrate. Mutilate. These are verb-sledgehammers you want to be swinging. Not “is” or “are.”